I wish I could tell you that sex after baby is easy and it only gets better but that would be a far from the truth. When a new baby comes – it is a game changer. Bringing a new child into this world is about the most challenging thing you can do in your life and no matter how much you think things won’t change between you and your partner, I have to break it to you… it will. It is up to you to decide whether the change is for the good or for the bad. Here is my advice and tips on you can get the sparks and intimacy back not only within the bedroom but as a couple in general.

1. It’s been six weeks since the baby is born and wife’s doctor just give you guys the thumbs up on resuming to normal activities aka… you guys can finally have sex again! You are raring to have a go in the bed; it’s been six weeks (and possibly even longer) so you can only expect that she would be looking forward to this with as much anticipation as you are. Surprise! She is not. My only advice to you is this. Remember that she has just had another human being come out of her. Hormones are changing, her body is different and though the doctor is giving the thumbs up, you have to wait until she is ready. Pushing it will only push her away.

2. Date your wife. Remember all that effort that you put in to convince your then girlfriend now wife to have sex with you – you are going to have to do that again. Honestly, you should always be dating your significant other but when a baby comes, it is especially important that you put twice the effort. You have a child that is now relying on you to never lose that spark and love. Take the time to court her again. This means, finding ways to make her feel beautiful, scheduling out dates or opportunities to spend time with just you two. And don’t forget to flirt with her! Yes, you can still flirt with your wife.

3. As much as you plan time together, make sure you also plan to take some time apart. It is important for both of you to have some time to step away from the home. You may have a hobby that you are into such as biking or brewing your own beer. Keep your hobby and make sure that she keeps hers as well. Spending time away from the family whether it is an hour here or there is good thing. It help you both come back refreshed and recharged.

4. Communicate with each other! The worst thing you can do is to not talk about things and let it simmer to the point of where it just all spills out in a heated argument. Acknowledge that life is different and things are going to change but also talk about how you as a couple are going to bring things back together – stronger than ever. Put some spice back into your relationship. Communicate what each other needs are to get there.

5. Find something in your life that helps you connect! After all is said and done you guys have been on the mother of all journeys and sometimes it can take its toll on your relationship. Try to find something, be it a hobby, a memory or anything, that can help you connect to the moments that are not about you now being daddy and mummy but husband and wife. Remember what you were attracted and what you are now attracted to as most couples can lose sight of what they have right there in front of them.

6. Compromise! I’m not saying give in to your primal urges or saying you should just ‘give it up’, talk about when and how you want to be intimate but be clear for your intentions and be clear in what your relationship needs to continue forward. So you may not be getting the satisfaction you crave… how about talking about alternatives. From tantric, to emotional to the holy grail of physical, intimacy does not stem from what you have between you legs but what you have between your ears.  Maybe one of you needs more of the other before you progress.

7. Remember your partner has needs too! Needs and wants are vastly different when it comes to the sexes. As much as you may want to say no to your partner or your partner says no to you, remember that both of you have been on this intense journey and have come out the other end as different people. Mums and dads ideas on where intimacy goes on the ‘list of life’. For some it may take a back seat and for some it may shoot up past number one too such a need that it drives you crazy. Try to take a moment and think about if the boot was on the other foot and what it is doing to your partner and your relationship.

As much as many people tend to relinquish the idea that intimacy is a mainstay in your relationship, you have to wonder why is it that relationships break down over this topic! you have to take hold of the reins and reinforce what you once were and reinvigorate what your partner means to you. This may take time and may be a whole new journey in its own right but be sure to always remember, there is a reason why you decided to create a family with that one person in your life… the way they talk, the way they move, the way they smell and the way they look… YOU WANT THEM!! So go get them

 

AND remember Intimacy after a baby is a minefield worth taking on!

 

 

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