Mommy VS. Daddy Roles Redefined

Focus on children who define parents roles – who to go to when they need to feel safe and who they go to when they need to be reassured or cuddled. And how to be okay in roles that were defined to you by your children.

Before children, my wife and I would talk about what kind of parents we would be.  She would claim that she would be the “nurturing” parent.  The one parent that the kids would automatically gravitate to when needing some words of wisdom, to learn with or a big long cuddle.  It was obvious that this would be her role. Though I did wonder if I could fit that role in anyway. I was fine with this role that she already defined for herself.  I saw myself as the more fun parent.  I wanted to be the one the kids would automatically go to instinctively when they want to play or need a side kid to get in trouble with. But I also wanted to be the one they search for when the needed a good cuddle when scared or hurt. If she wanted to be the responsible one and comforting one then I could be the fun one.But in essence our roles have somewhat intertwined into a mish mash of roles.. I may spend my time rolling on the bed with my daughter, blowing raspberries on her portly tummy but I’m also the dad that holds her tight in the middle of the night when she’s scared of what the darkness may bring. As much as I’ve adorned this extra feature to my arsenal, so has my beautiful wife adorned the role as cuddle station.

This may not seem typical in a household but times have changed.

There was once a time where it was preferred that children be seen and not heard and where men took a seat back from child rearing only stepping in as a disciplinarian.   Today, the roles of parents have changed.  A father can now be the main caregiver while the mother is the breadwinner.  But as much as we want to define our roles for our kids ourselves, it is them that sometimes define it for us and whether it be instinctual – there are just some roles that mummy’s and daddy’s seem better equipped for.

When our little one was born, I embraced my new life as our child’s caregiver and father.  I looked forward to my new role and secretly hoped that over time it would be me who my child seeks for cuddles.  It soon became apparent the older she’s getting the more Daisy-Ella had already defined our roles for us.  To her, dad time is fun time.  She could count on me to toss her up in the air in delight and see safety in when new faces came by or have some weird nose biting match (a completely different story for another time perhaps). It was easy for me to fall in line with this role.  For my wife,  as much as she tried to play, when our baby saw her she wanted to eat or cuddle.  She had the boobs and well, eating was a perfect time to snuggle close to her body.

Don’t get me wrong, my wife enjoys playful times with Daisy-Ella on a daily basis but fundamentally she is drawn to her for food and nurturing. This is a physiological need from any new baby born into this world and has been an evolutionary factor for everyone who walks it. You can look at the wants and needs of parents but fundamentally the natural roles must be adhered to before any role can be taken on. That being said, does nature really need to win this bout? isn’t it time for us to turn things around and move the evolutionary table that one step forward? It is not for us to say, but it is definitely a role our babies have stringently taken   on.

Defined roles can somewhat stick to each sex as if ingrained onto our DNA as natural as going to the ‘potty’ or mating.

As much as we want to define our own roles, it is our children who seem to do that for us – whether we agree with it or not.  The key for harmonious co-parenting is for my wife and me to acknowledge how essential, however different they may be, our roles are to the growth of our child.  Support each other as parents and seek the appropriate balance of parenting styles.   As our baby grows older, the support that she may need might be different every year.   Because of this our position as parents could change year after year as well.  Both my wife and I are committed to taking on whatever role that may be.  It is important that we blend our parenting style and acknowledging that, though our roles are different, they are both essential to our little one.

How is your role defined as a parent? Are you fun, strict or nurturing parent? Was it even you that chose this role? Or did your little one do it for you?

Let me know in a comment below.

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